My First Love: My Parents Liked Him, We Married But One Fine Day....

My First Love: My Parents Liked Him, We Married But One Fine Day....: Do you think what I did is correct? I am a girl, funny, quirky and eighteen. I belong to a conservative family that wants me to hitc...

Deals With After-SHocks......

 She Messaged! (again), aftershocks of breakup..

#Breakup :- We've all been there at the end of the rope. We've all either ended things or have had someone else to end things for us. It's, one of those emotional places that no one ever wants to be in. It's awkward as hell, I know.....

But you know what's even more awkward, when your EX bumps into your life & you don't know what to say, do or how to behave. It's like suddenly, you forget what it's like to be human, you've frozen! Break-ups are bad but what’s worse is when your EX tries to cling on you and get you back in her life! I am sure you too might have gone through such phase when you are barely over her & she appears out of nowhere and tries to fuck with your feelings.....

There is no set way to behave after your breakup - not with yourself, not with people around & definitely not with the one you've broken up with. It’s like breaking a mirror and trying to piece it back together while trying to avoid looking into it because the cracks distort the image. It’s unavoidable and most times, impossible.....

You do what you got to do and how you’ve got to do it to ensure that you get out of it. How much time you take to get out of it is relative and no one has the right to judge you for that. Maybe you were in love and were to get married, or maybe you just started dating.. it doesn’t matter. A connection is a connection and breaking away from that is always hard to do.....

There is no set rulebook or guideline on how to behave with oneself, or with others after a breakup. So, you have rebound sex with someone, drink your sorrows away, cry yourself to sleep or just date the fuck out of people. The important thing is that you get over it when you do. Everything else is secondary....

"Once your break a thread, and try to rejoin it. It may be, but there will be a knot always in-between."

My Parents Liked Him, We Married But One Fine Day...

Do you think what I did is correct?

I am a girl, funny, quirky and eighteen.

I belong to a conservative family that wants me to hitch with a man who is almost double my age and has a lot of money in his bank account. Money which will help my father pay all his loans, money which will finance abroad trips for my brother, money which will help my mother get some gold for her second daughter's marriage. I had to let go of my studies because my family wanted me to marry him.

What about my life as a wife, as a daughter-in-law, as a homemaker and then lastly as a mother? Will I be able to do justice to everything and with every role? And I slept with all these scattered thoughts.

The next day, as I get ready for the big day:

"Calm down, bub," I say to myself as I drape the red saree around my lean, petite body.

"Everything is going to be okay," I say to myself as I wear the ornaments that came from my in-laws as a shagun.

It is time for me to go. But there is something stopping me, and I don't know what it is.

Yes, I see him, I see his gigantic muscular body and I know it's him.

The wedding rituals start, my father takes my hand in his hands. Showing his dominance over me.

As everything comes to an end, I am pronounced as being married, .

Something in me breaks, and I am not liking it at all. I feel like running away but I am not a coward.

We head to my in-law's place.

I see his shadow as I make myself comfortable in the room where I am supposed to spend all my nights from now on.

He enters the room and grabs me from behind.

I am perplexed because I don't understand what he's up to.

A chill runs down my spine, and I feel something exactly where I should not feel it.

(A few days have passed, and I still am trying to make myself comfortable and adapt to the changes in my life. Unfortunately, one thing which is still hard for me to accept is getting close to my husband. But, the sad part is, who cares?)

I know, he wants to be there…

He tries to undress me, yes, in last few days, he has never uttered a single word to me, we are married but he comes and tries to undress me. That is what he wants. Every day, I oppose and try to move his hand away from my hips and he grabs them more tightly and starts humping (and one more time, that unspoken soul inside me dies).

I am disgusted… I want to go home…

He tosses me on the bed and there, I see, the beautiful embroidered red saree that I wore this morning lying on the floor.

I look into this man's eyes and I can see greed in them. It feels as if he has been hungry for a lifetime and finally he has got a fresh prey.

He grabs my body violently and exercises control.

His hands do what they are best at, and my so-called husband starts unhooking my blouse. I, on the other hand, experience a great loss and that too not for the first time, it now seems to be an age-old loss.

He turns and sleeps as he finishes his work and gets done for the day. I try to get up, but his hands are still on me. They DISGUST me, but they are on me.

The following morning and all my other mornings...

I get RAPED every day, my confidence gets RAPED, my spirit gets RAPED and above all of it, my body gets RAPED. He married me, and now he thinks of me as his property.

(Months pass and this continues, I stay quiet and behave like a GOOD WIFE)

I cried, I pleaded, I shouted 'NO', but he never listens...

And this would be repeated every single day even when my body wouldn't allow him to do (on those days of the month). He would do it and leave me in pain.

Until one day... When I decided to voice my opinions and shut him up forever...

I try to talk to him… I have never done this before, but just for the heck of it, I try to talk.

For the first time, I address him with his name and utter something looking fiercely into his eyes (if the truth is to be told, I was trying to find some lost love or pity). No, not because he is my husband, but just because I try to search for some humanity.

 I try to make him understand that I am not a part of this union which we have been labelling as a 'marriage'.

I tell him 'I'M DONE'.

And what he does next is unexpected. He shows his physical control and hits me right on my face. He drags me and starts to undress me again. 'NO', I shout loudly this time. He didn't stop. I try to find a way to stop him and there's this mess that is going on in my mind; I have to stop him once and for all.

I don't like running away from my problems, so I make sure that the problem itself runs away from me.

Yes, I am the same girl who was quirky, but this time my quirk and fun loving behaviour will not take me anywhere. I will have to fight him and be fierce. I stop him by collecting all the strength that I have, and I try to push him away. He wouldn't move an inch.

That's when I grab the vase kept on the bedside table and hit my HUSBAND hard on his head.

I can feel the blanket of silence shedded all over the room. Seems like everything has been ceased, the clock that was moving too fast has forgotten to sense the back and forth of the moment.

And that very moment...

He falls back… He doesn't move an inch…

But, hey? I ask myself: "What did you do?" I run back to where this man who was a husband to me till now was lying in silence. I try to move him, but as I said, he wouldn't move an inch…

Has everything ended now? Is this the freedom I needed? Have my all pains come to an end?

DO YOU THINK WHAT I DID IS RIGHT?

VIRGIN...........

ARE YOU A VIRGIN..???

Today her life was about to change. Everything was sudden, so the boy and the girl couldn't share anything with each other. The girl had a bad past, a boy cheated on her. So, parents forced her for the marriage.

They got married and it was final that she had to leave her parents abode and settle down with this man for the entire life. she was crying partially due to emotions for her parents and partially due to a headache. Everyone was happy. She used to play all those wedding games in her childhood and was very fond of marriage. She was very happy because she was going to start a new life :)

Lemme, remind you she was forced to marry.

Everything was done. The ceremony was conducted and rituals were performed. It was time to settle down on the bed on the wedding night. The room was decorated with roses, jasmine and the smell was damn adorable.

The girl was draped in a red lehenga. She was very happy because for her marriage as it was all about meeting of two pure soul. She was nervous, it was a new journey for her. "Door knocked"
They had a sharp eye contact.

The husband came in and smiled looking at her and asked,"Are you ready"? She couldn't speak a word. 
She just smiled :)
.
The boy asked, "How are you? We couldn't talk that much before our marrige but, Now, we can share everything with each other. "Tears rolled down from her eyes"
. "Why are you crying", he asked.
. "She didn't even utter a word"
. "Huh, you are my soulmate, will you please speak now?"
.
She," I had a very bad past, I am forced to marry you, I loved a boy, he cheated on me and I am no longer a virgin".

"Haha, you are my soulmate, Why are you even thinking of that guy now, ughh, calm down, I know that we didn't share our past to each other but that is okay, What will I do of your past? Virgnity, what is that. It is just a word and nothing else, you are virgin for me. Your soul is still virgin for me.
If you love me and my touch only makes you feel me and not someone else then you are virgin for me, being virgin is just a state of mind, its purity and honesty for peace....

My Suicide Note

MY   SUICIDE   NOTE......

A frequently asked QUESTION TO ME..........

      ❤  DO YOU STILL MISS HER...❤

Do you still miss  her ?? I was questioned this since the day she left me ! By my Best Friend , By my Heart  , By Friends, By my mind as well. Even now all my "well-wishers" are asking this ! 

To be frank, I can't still figure out the answer. I always keep on retreating my mind ( even heart ) that the answer is simple "NO" . But , deep down, I know the answer will never be NO...

• She is still a frequent visitor to my mind.
• she is the guest who pays visit without notice and stay for a long time
• She is still the one, i always think about
• She is still in my writings 
• She is still there in my blogs
• She is even in my followers list
• She is still there in my thoughts
• She is there in my heart too 

But it's okhay now, i'm used to this behaviour . please don't feel happy and consider me as her mad lover.I loved her, but now i've learnt.Never fall for someone who's not willing to catch you.

i am still trying to convince my heart. it takes 9 months to create a heart ,so don't let anyone break it in 9 seconds."On the walls of my heart she is that nail, which was rusted and couldn't hold the frame of our love. Yes, the mark is still here and the hole does exist , but yet i still not find it necessary to paint it with new colours of emotions.

May be i want it as it is.

MAY be i want her to remind me of my madness

May be i want her as a memory only

May be i want her in my stories

May be i don't want her back in life

just to confirm and make sure that i don't want that life again.  i was happy with her and trying to be happy without her. Smiling as before . i'm doing cool without her, it was completely her.

I forgive you............

HE WANTED TO BUILD A SMALL

HOUSE OF HAPPINESS WITH HER.,,

SHE GAVE HIM A "CASTLE OF MEMORIES".....

There are many things i could say to u, Many of those words may not be very nice and most of them probably wouldn't make a difference to you in any way. But I"ll say this 

                    I FORGIVE YOU........

I FORGIVE YOU  for keeping me up late nights wondering what you were doing ,, who you were with because you wouldn't bother to tell me.....

I FORGIVE YOU  for calling me names like psycho, pagal, chipku, all because i wanted you to love me , and  only me......

I FORGIVE YOUR  " IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN"S when it always did and the " I M SORRY " when you truly didn't deserve them.....

I FORGIVE YOU for humiliating me in front of friends , family , and everyone who knew the truth about you and your inability to have respect and LOVE for one person only......

There is no hope in holding onto the anger and sadness of something that was not real. In order to love who i m , i cannot hate the experiences that shaped me.........

Because of YOU  i AM BENT  and BROKEN .. I may never be same again......

SO I FORGIVE YOU...........................................................................................................................

 IT'S  NOT THAT  I CAN'T LOVE ANYONE  ELSE.,

IT'S  JUST  THAT  I  CAN 'T  LOVE  ANYONE LIKE...

I LOVED  YOU........

to the one with the mask ..

 

you know everything. on the bright side nothing can surprise you. you are on the right side of the secret. people come to you to run away from their feelings, fears,their reality. you protect people from the harsh truth of things. they whisper to you their troubles as they place you closer to them. trusting you with their secrets, issues, their lives. knowing is a key component in protecting yourself and separating yourself from the mask. See we all have masks, the great thing about them is we can choose them ourselves. for some their mask has a good sense of humor and causes them to smile throughout the tough times. for others their mask is religious and whispers prayers to help them get through the day, and for some their mask is a hidden identity in which they write their troubles away. See how we all need you in our lives?

however, knowing can also terrify you. when you're in love you like to deny yourself anything you don't want. you can see it clearly. instead of facing the truth and protecting the hopeless romantic behind the mask, you turn to a mask of your own. only this time the mask functions to cover your ears from hearing the truth. It covers your eyes from seeing the obvious, it covers your mouth from speaking the words you know you need to say. The words you write down in your head a million times reminding yourself to say, but you cant seem to pronounce the words when faced with the reality of things. The day will come when you will no longer need to hide behind a mask. You will have the strength to pull the mask off and say what needs to be said. When that day comes you can thank the mask for giving you the strength to keep going.

I m sorry for hurting you

I'm writing this  cause I feel really bad, thinking about the way I hurt you makes me really sad. 

I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you and I regret the things I've done. I've lost the 1 girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done. 

Baby I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.

These tears that run down my cheek are filled with sadness and hurt, because I loved you so much and now I know that it will never work :( I messed up and now I see that you mean the absolute world to me. 

I know sorry's not enough because I'm such a screw up.. But for whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day...

The thought of you makes me smile, and I know our love was real, so I'm writing you this letter so that you know how I truly feel. 

What I really want to say is that I'm sorry, I know that you didn't deserve to be hurt like that, and I know that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right, they will make you happy and that person won't hurt you like I did. 

So I'm sooo SORRY for everything I've done, so all i have to say is that I love you and I'm so sooo sorry

yes, i m just a SIMPLE guy...

Yes i m just a simple guy.....

                                  i m not that guy ,who always tell u wht to wear what not to.....

                                 i m that guy ,who will be more happy seeing u in pajamas if you are

                                comfortable.......

i m that guy ,who will kiss on your forehead when i see u crying and fight whole world if needed

.............

i am that guy ,who will join you in all crazy things then carry you on my back if u are tired.....

......................

i ain't that guy ,who will shy to introduce you to my mother....

i am that guy , who will ask my mom to teach you cooking..

..........................

i ain't that guy who will be lazy and sleepy all day...

i m that guy that will wake you up after morning cofee is ready...

................................

i may not be perfect but i will try my best to see you

always smiling because that where my happiness lies.... 

BeFore you SLEEP with HER.....

BEFORE YOU SLEEP WITH HER......

you finnaly got her ! Now she is in you BED . You help her remove her clothes..! You have removed  your clothes too... See her curves. Wow now, you are so hard ,and she is horny too

,hey before ou have SEX with her, kindly ask yourself about these things..........

........

1. Do you really love her???

   -Yeah,i know you like her buttocks,i know she has big breasts or you just enjoy rubbing those 

    breasts , I know you like the way she talks .But do you really LOVE the person she is..???

...................................................................................................................................................................

2. After sleeping with her, what next ?? Will u still LOVE that breasts ?? will you still LOVE her smile..??

..................................................................................................................................................................

3. What if she gets pregnant.?? Will she face the world alone or will you stand by HER.??

   Are you ready to stand as a MAN and say yes..!! We both did it,, its our BABY !! or will you look foe EXCUSES..??

..................................................................................................................................................................

4. If she calls to tell you that she is pregnant , will you tell her to ABORT it and risk her life or will you her to keep the BABY...???

..................................................................................................................................................................

5. Very important , if she give birth , can ypu take care of her and the baby.??

  Can you meet the emotional , mental , psychological demands..??

..................................................................................................................................................................

6. Is she someone you can MARRY or someone you just want to SLEEP with..?? Imagine if this  was your sister with someone else..!!!

...................................................................................................................................................................

7. If she is good enough for you to sleep with, why can't she be GOOD enough to be your WIFE..???

...................................................................................................................................................................

8. Why can't you marry her as you wife and then enjoy all after..???

...................................................................................................................................................................

9. If you sleep with her and leave her. Think about how sad it will bw, think about the pains and the sorrows ,, Imagine if this is done to your child..!!!

...................................................................................................................................................................

10. Think about tomarrow . don't just think about today. I know you just want to do it.!!! your hormones are up,, What will happen when your hormones are down..???

...................................................................................................................................................................

THIS Is the major DIFFERENCE in TWO thoughts......

-YEAH,,I FUCKED HER........

-YEAH,,I MADE LOVE WITH HER...........

                                                                                             think it......????????

What is love........

Happy valentine week to all😊

Its Heart touching...
Seriuosly....

What is love?

Love is when my mom kisses me and says mera bachha lakhon me ek hai...

Love is when you come back from work and dad says 'arey beta! aaj bohot der ho gai

Love is when ur bhabhi says ' hey hero ladki dekhi hai tere liya, koi aur pasand ho tou bata dena'

Love is when ur brother says ' bhai tu tension na le, main hu na tere saath

Love is when you r  Moodless and your sis says ' chal bhai kahi ghoom kay aatein hai

Love is when ur best friend hugs you and says' abe tere bagair mazaa nahi aata yar....

These all are best moments of love.....don't miss them in life.

Love is not only having a bf or gf.

Love you all who have been a special part of my life...........

Its love,
when a little girl puts her energy to give dad a head massage.

Its love,
when a wife makes tea for husband and take a sip before him.

Its love,
when a mother gives her son the best piece of cake.

Its love,
when ur friend holds your hand tightly on a slippery
road.

Its love,
when your brother messages you and asks did you reach home on time..

Love 💕 is not just a guy holding a girl and going around the city.

Love when you send a small msg to your friends to make them smile

 Luv 💕 is actually a name of "care"..

A Mother's Love is True Love

A Mother's Love is True Love.....

A mother's love is a wonderful love packaged from heaven with special care.
A mother's love is like no other love in which you can compare.
A mother's love is purified by Angels and flows directly from her soul.
A mother's love is justified by God and by his hands he created the mold.
This mold that was shaped and fashioned by God has endured the test of time.
This mold that was taped and recorded by women rang out like a heavenly chime.
A mother's love is unconditional, and from her heart this can be told.
A mother's love is nutritional; it is the fruit that feeds our soul.
A mother's love 'IS' true love, and from her heart she cannot lie.
A mother's love is eternal, the kind that wont' ever die.
A mother's love is the tie that binds, and her bond can never be broken.
A mother's love is branded in our hearts, even when her words aren't spoken...

The Differences between Happiness and Meaning in Life

The Differences between Happiness and Meaning in Life.........

Beautiful Minds
The Differences between Happiness and Meaning in Life
There can be substantial trade-offs between seeking happiness and seeking meaning in life.
The pursuit of happiness and meaning are two of our most central motivations in life. A wealth of research in positive psychology suggests that happiness and meaning are, in fact, essential elements of well-being. Happiness and meaning are strongly correlated with each other, and often feed off each other. The more meaning we find in life, the more happy we typically feel, and the more happy we feel, the more we often feel encouraged to pursue even greater meaning and purpose.
But not always.

 parents often report that they are very happy they had children, but parents who are living with children usually score very low on measures of happiness. It seems that raising children can decrease happiness but increase meaning. Or consider revolutionaries, who often suffer through years of violence and discord for a larger purpose that can ultimately bring great satisfaction and meaning to their lives and the lives of others.
However, I also found some important differences:

• Finding one’s life easy or difficult was related to happiness, but not meaning.
• Feeling healthy was related to happiness, but not meaning.
• Feeling good was related to happiness, not meaning.
• Scarcity of money reduced happiness more than meaning.
• People with more meaningful lives agreed that ‘relationships are more important than achievements’.
• Helping people in need was linked to meaning but not happiness.
• Expecting to do a lot of deep thinking was positively related to meaningfulness, but negatively with happiness.*
• Happiness was related more to being a taker rather than a giver, whereas meaning was related more to being a giver than a taker.

The more people felt their activities were consistent with core themes and values of their self, the greater meaning they reported in their activities.
Seeing oneself as wise, creative, and even anxious were all linked to meaning but had no relationship (and in some cases, even showed a negative relationship) to happiness.

open my eyes....

   Open my EYES........

             Open my eyes and allow me to behold the wealth of each curtained acre. Allow me to stand amidst the true complexity of land and hold me hostage beyond the hand of illustrations. As any mind may have it, such beauty is held too deep, so far away no ordinary soul could see. I ask you to bring forth the beauty of such things. Describe to me, young man, the definition of keen ness . . .'
             Close your eyes and open your mind. Feel that slightly chilled breeze upon your cheeks, barely rustling through your golden hair. Reach out now and grasp the unknown, hold within your hand the temperament of unrestricted air. Now breathe deeply, and allow yourself to inhale that refreshing sweetness. Only you know that its the cause of the shallow whispering of the world around you. Now, in your mind, open your eyes and look beyond that reach. As far as your eyes can see, lays an open field of amber grain. Acres and acres of an un-chartered beauty. What makes such emptiness beautiful?
             Behold, the white and scattered clouds, now accented by the blue sky and illuminated by the rays of purple, yellow or pink brilliance from the rising sun beyond the horizon. I witness the world grow smaller. I see, in the distance, the annually alternating colors extending from green and yellow, to orange and brown. A painted portrait of freckled or dimpled ground lies towards the horizon. Look above, a great royalty in heavens plains extending his prided wings over the appreciated air. The eagle watches carefully over his kingdom. Though it may not seem much, he prides himself with the restless content of the waving grain. The mild whispering of the wheat battling each other for unity and for serenity, for direction and for time. Though through this complexity, he watches his kingdom dance. You, alone, stand in his shallow pond of grain. When the wind picks up it creates waves of confusion. The careful breeze pushes them one way, and in restraint they push back.

We Are Always Together...........

      We Are Always Together...........

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt

The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
'Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
(We belong together)

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby

We belong together..........

when i met you....

           

When I met you, I knew. I knew in some way, shape, or form, you would hold incredible significance to my life. I knew you were going to be a constant. I knew you would change me.

And for the next few days, you were my best friend. Yes, we had our disagreements, but we always made our way back to each other. I always felt you in my heart, there was nothing you could do to make me that upset for long. I already needed you.

Then, as I had suspected for months, our relationship changed. We became lovers more than friends. And I knew, the second I held you close to me, I knew, just like I had known all those years before, that this was it for me. You were it. All I wanted, and all I would ever need.

You have issues, my love. Internal struggles with yourself, external issues with my family and others around you ­ and it weighs you down. I never have held that against you. But the struggles you faced made it impossible for you to love me the way you wanted to, the way I needed you to. Still,i held on, praying you would stay with me, praying you would get better. Through all the fights, the petty disagreements, and the abuse, I stayed. Why?

I loved you blindly of course. I loved you without restrictions, and without caution. I loved you wildly. In my head, I knew you could be better. I wanted to see that happen for you. I wanted to help you get to where you should be. I believed in you. I loved you so deeply, I would have, and did do, anything on Earth for you.

My expectations and whatever other struggles you faced were too much for you, and the pressure you put on yourself suffocated you. Your eyes began to wander. You wanted something easier, someone who wouldn’t push you to be better, you couldn’t handle the intensity of our love.

You found what you were looking for, long before you actually ended it with me, which still hurts me more than you could ever know. I can’t believe my best friend, the love of my life, could do that to me. But that’s life sometimes.

Fast forward a few months from the day you told me someone else had more to offer, or at least, an easier pill for you to swallow: you tell everyone that you’re happy. You’ve come in and out of my life so frequently, breaking bits and pieces of me more and more every time. You tell me you’re happy, and I know it’s a lie.

I gave you time to come back to me, I gave you space and I offered you my loving arms to return to. It wasn’t something you would consider, you were too busy doing fun, easy things, with friends who didn’t deserve the person you used to be.

As I watched it happen, I felt pieces of myself, my soul, disintegrate and disappear. I grew colder, I put a wall up around myself. Letting myself feel soft for you only hurt me worse. 

When you come back to me asking for reassurance, but not asking to come back, I am forced to give a cold shoulder.

If I don’t, you won’t let me be, and I can’t heal. I can tell through your words and your actions that you are heartbroken. You tell me you are hurt because I don’t care anymore. But the truth is, you are not who I once loved. That person is gone. That person took some of the deepest parts of myself with them. I will always love them.

Had you tried for me, love, had you tried for you, we would have been in love forever. But you didn’t, and sitting around waiting for you only made things harder on me. I’ve accepted the fact that the you I once knew is gone.

I didn’t want to move on from you. I hoped in the deepest cell of my heart that you would come back and sweep me up and make things better. But eventually, I chose to move on. I chose to heal myself. I chose to fix what you shattered. It didn’t com easily, and nearly everyday is a struggle… but I have to. Please don’t hold that against me, as I have not held your demons against you. I needed to do it for me.

You are the love of my life, but you are long gone now. ......